I'm so lucky. I get to go to a great magnet school where I learn a lot and get hands on experience with my art. Unfortunately, my physical and mental health cause me to become very ill and I miss a lot of school. This is something I wish I could stop, but undortinarelt, no matter how many diagnoses I get and how hard I try I never really get all the way better. Recently, this has been a very difficult issue and caused me a lot of hardship with keeping up with school.
I really wish that this was something that people understood more in terms of school. My friends think I skip just because I don't want to go. I literally hate being at my house but if i'm exhausted all the time, depressed and scared, and have migraines that make me unable to get through daily life I would hope people would understand.
A lot of teachers don't get this either. They assume that because I'm a senior I'm just skipping. I know it's as hard as them for me to miss as it is for me, so I just wish it was more understood. I wish society understood health issues and such more. It's very debilitating to try to get through the day. After school I always feel very sick and get nothing done, I can only concentrate at school.
I wish that people weren't penalized so much for their absences in a world that claims to be accomadating. The reality is you can be suspended for absences, and that makes no sense. I wish the attitude toward mental and physical illnesses that can't be seen weren't that people are lazy or that they can just deal with it. I wish it was just more understood and maybe it would help mentally ill or physically ill people to do better in school. There just doesn't seem to be much accomidation for people who aren't neurotypical. I really hope this stigma changes.
The Daily Life of McKenzie
This blog is dedicated to my journey in life as a young person. All of my goals, aspirations and interests may be found here. Please enjoy my blog, and comment as much as you want. Any questions will surely be answered.
Thursday, March 10, 2016
Saturday, March 5, 2016
Writer's Fest 2016-Breaking Into My Identity
Franny Choi and I at Douglas Anderson Writer's Fest 2016
Today was my last writer’s fest of my high school career, and it feels as though time is simply slipping away and I still do not know who I am, but I have much more of an idea of what I want to be doing as a writer, even if that idea is beyond unrealistic.
This was my second writer’s fest, and I simply expected it to be like the time before. I love the idea, the thought of writers coming together to teach each other tricks of the trade, and to bet on who’s worthy enough to spend thirty grand on to fly in and out for a day.
The writers this year were all so star studded, seemingly everyone was a fangirl of at least one of them, and I took comfort in having teachers to help me gather information on them before being thrown out into a frenzy of workshop choices and filled rooms. Harrison Scott Key was so funny that his workshop was a stand only one.
But the day was long. A 12 hour or more day for writers just isn’t too realistic to create fantastic material, but appreciated nonetheless. I can hardly get through an hour and a half during my school week. And I stayed behind for a workshop that was cancelled due to flight delays. Unfortunately, I may have also chosen the worst workshops for me, and I really hope I’ll get a chance to see some of these authors again. Some people pushed me to see authors I wasn’t really sure I would enjoy, but perhaps one of them will be my teacher in the future. There is something that I learned through this. Just because someone might enjoy something, doesn’t mean you will.
I think that the event for me this year was a lot about finding my own identity in my writing rather than talking about craft. I feel as though I am always writing for other people, other groups, other people’s oppression, the often difficult trials that a character might face, and nothing of my personal life. I am far too private to be a writer, and it is occurring to me that I am simply scared, a coward in my shell of a body, so stuck in my mind but so unwilling to break out of it. In fact, when I went up to the table to have my books signed by the headlining authors Richard Blanco and Ron Carlson, I was so baffled that after so much practicing in my head, the words didn’t flow the way I wanted them too. This is partially why i’m a writer, and also evidence that I need to learn more on my voice in writing. It’s like i’ve got this idea in my head of what’s cliche and immature to write about, been limited from topics like death and love, and yet I know what I can write and I still limit myself. I need to break out of that shell of comfort and rules, something my teacher told me this year.
But back to identity. In Franny Choi’s workshop on the identity of yourself as a writer and a poet, I was very unsurprised that with my father sitting next to me, I was unwilling to expose certain parts of my identity, and had to compromise it for the sake of the workshop, suffering in my writing so that I didn’t reveal too much about myself. I am so scared to have someone analyze me or judge me beyond the ways I’ve been judged before. I also noticed that I am too scared to share on here, this blog with so few hits, the topic I was so good with writing about, but so reluctant to share. I like to believe that there are some things worth hiding, that telling all is a bit too cliche and millennial, but I know that I am suffering for it. I press on day after day hiding and forcing down an identity of mne that is so taboo in this age, something that is so unheard of and awkward to speak about. I’ll probably continue to be so afraid of myself and my realities that I suppress these parts of myself regardless. Eventually, I hope to become someone that I know can please all sides of a crowd, someone less boring, less strange. Someone who has more to them than that one hidden identity, someone who isn’t a coward. I want to fulfill my dreams, not just deal with them, and I want them to live in me, I want to live my identity, not compromise myself for the sake of family, writing, peers, or to avoid taboos and cliches. In this day and age, it seems like every real world problem is a cliche, so I may as well live mine.
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Save a Syrian Indiegogo
Please click the link below to learn about and help me raise funds for a Syrian refugee!
https://www.generosity.com/fundraisers/save-a-syrian/
If this fundraiser goes well I will be spreading it to help other Syrians.
https://www.generosity.com/fundraisers/save-a-syrian/
https://www.generosity.com/fundraisers/save-a-syrian/
Thank you!
https://www.generosity.com/fundraisers/save-a-syrian/
Bless you and have a wonderful day!!!
https://www.generosity.com/fundraisers/save-a-syrian/
https://www.generosity.com/fundraisers/save-a-syrian/
If this fundraiser goes well I will be spreading it to help other Syrians.
https://www.generosity.com/fundraisers/save-a-syrian/
https://www.generosity.com/fundraisers/save-a-syrian/
Thank you!
https://www.generosity.com/fundraisers/save-a-syrian/
Bless you and have a wonderful day!!!
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Monday, November 16, 2015
Why Beirut and Paris should be treated on equal footing
Due to the actions that took place Friday in Paris, France, there has been much of an uproar over foregin policy and refugees, claiming that many are a part of ISIS. There is very little that I can say to this that no one else has said, but I am going to make my best attempt, because in the face of disaster, your best attempt is the best you can do.
First, I want to begin by saying that the bombing/shooting in Paris was an absolute tragedy. Far over a hundred lives were lost, which is devistating. I also want to say that the attacks in Beirut, Lebanon were a tragedy, and that there should have been an equal uproar between the two events. If we care about the state of Paris, we should care about the state of their formerly occupied territories and those that are effected. I'm sure at some point you've worried about the French that you know, if you know any, and the people who are vaguely French in your circle that is sad because their 1/4th Frenchness is being threatened by ISIS. But if you are going to care about that, you must also care about your Lebanese neighbor, your Lebanese grocer, your vaguely Lebanese friend.
There is nothing that should be normalized about one countrie's suffering versus anothers. There is nothing okay with either attacks and people need to show that. When the Lebanon attacks happened, there were not Lebanese flag Facebook profile pictures. There were no "average Americans" mourning the death of Syrians as France began to bomb them after the attacks. What I'm saying is that in freedom and humanity, there can be no double standards.
Perhaps, when the same amount of people die in Palestine in the frequency that it does, people should care just as much and write lengthy facebook posts about their trips to Palestine that are sadly muddled with sad memories after those tragedies.
I just want to say, that just as much as it is important to condemn ferocious actions against a familiar place, you should also condemn those actions elsewhere and support those victims and let people grieve instead of point fingers. Muslim lives were lost too. In Lebanon Muslim lives were taken and no one shook with anger, or wept on facebook to confront this, no one who did the same for Paris. There are Lebanese citizens suffering, there was an American's life taken in Lebanon, and no one grieved the same way, instead they point fingers at the same Muslims who are suffering.
Going off of that, Muslims are suffering and have been since 9/11, probably way before. They have already been suffering from backlash and misplaced anger from the world, and Muslims who have nothing to do with Daesh are taking the blame, being ripped of their lives because someone felt they needed to blame an entire religion for the actions of some twisted fools parading as though religion has anything to do with murder.
I'm saying this out of the contempt for the savagery reenacted against Muslims, mainly visibly Muslim women, that is misplaced due to a heinous act created by 7 brutish and maniachal deviants, who themselves are going against the principals of Islam. These actions must be met with the same anger. We do not round up the white middle class and tell them to apologize for the stabbings of women in hijab, or the lynching of black men, women, and children by groups that thoroughly approve of these practices the same way we make Muslims apologize for their religion that doesn't preach murdering nonbelievers.
I just want to say, care for France, but also care about you Lebanese neighbor, your Palestinian priest, your local Syrian church members, for all American Muslims and American Arabs that will be facing the backlash and equal grief for actions that they are condemned for without reason.
First, I want to begin by saying that the bombing/shooting in Paris was an absolute tragedy. Far over a hundred lives were lost, which is devistating. I also want to say that the attacks in Beirut, Lebanon were a tragedy, and that there should have been an equal uproar between the two events. If we care about the state of Paris, we should care about the state of their formerly occupied territories and those that are effected. I'm sure at some point you've worried about the French that you know, if you know any, and the people who are vaguely French in your circle that is sad because their 1/4th Frenchness is being threatened by ISIS. But if you are going to care about that, you must also care about your Lebanese neighbor, your Lebanese grocer, your vaguely Lebanese friend.
There is nothing that should be normalized about one countrie's suffering versus anothers. There is nothing okay with either attacks and people need to show that. When the Lebanon attacks happened, there were not Lebanese flag Facebook profile pictures. There were no "average Americans" mourning the death of Syrians as France began to bomb them after the attacks. What I'm saying is that in freedom and humanity, there can be no double standards.
Perhaps, when the same amount of people die in Palestine in the frequency that it does, people should care just as much and write lengthy facebook posts about their trips to Palestine that are sadly muddled with sad memories after those tragedies.
I just want to say, that just as much as it is important to condemn ferocious actions against a familiar place, you should also condemn those actions elsewhere and support those victims and let people grieve instead of point fingers. Muslim lives were lost too. In Lebanon Muslim lives were taken and no one shook with anger, or wept on facebook to confront this, no one who did the same for Paris. There are Lebanese citizens suffering, there was an American's life taken in Lebanon, and no one grieved the same way, instead they point fingers at the same Muslims who are suffering.
Going off of that, Muslims are suffering and have been since 9/11, probably way before. They have already been suffering from backlash and misplaced anger from the world, and Muslims who have nothing to do with Daesh are taking the blame, being ripped of their lives because someone felt they needed to blame an entire religion for the actions of some twisted fools parading as though religion has anything to do with murder.
I'm saying this out of the contempt for the savagery reenacted against Muslims, mainly visibly Muslim women, that is misplaced due to a heinous act created by 7 brutish and maniachal deviants, who themselves are going against the principals of Islam. These actions must be met with the same anger. We do not round up the white middle class and tell them to apologize for the stabbings of women in hijab, or the lynching of black men, women, and children by groups that thoroughly approve of these practices the same way we make Muslims apologize for their religion that doesn't preach murdering nonbelievers.
I just want to say, care for France, but also care about you Lebanese neighbor, your Palestinian priest, your local Syrian church members, for all American Muslims and American Arabs that will be facing the backlash and equal grief for actions that they are condemned for without reason.
Labels:
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Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Reading Americanah (Review)
I started reading Americanah by Chimamande Ngozi Adichie and for some reason I cannot put it down. I mean I can't really tell if there's a set plot so far, but it's a really good book. Anyway, it got me thinking: I should start blogging in a funny way. I mean I know it's not the same as a blog about universal blackness as I have no way to relate to that as a white girl, but I thought I could share little bits of my day with social commentary, almost like a real blog.
But enough about me. This book has taught me a lot, and not just about race and African relations. As a writer it taught me how to form more believable characters with human qualities, even if those qualities are undesirable. These are what make the character real. Ifemelu and Obinze display their own insecurities and pretentiousness, often regarding themselves in a very self-righteous way. Ifemelu is often found rationalizing her self-sabotaging life decisions. Obinze is obsessive and impulsive. The two are both living in a constant state of discontent.
The author herself uses blog entries and other vehicles as social commentary, which makes this book more than just an interesting read with interesting characters, as it presents common feelings and ideas that are expressed in our normal day to day lives. This is something that greatly influenced me as a writer of both fiction and journalism, which was shown in this book.
I saw a lot of myself in this book. The characters were very convincing that I needed to make a change from just being content to truly living. I am often like Ifemelu, dismissive of my own shortcomings and ego, often indulging my impulses. Seeing it from someone else's point of view makes it all the more real that I should make a change in the way I approach things in life, such as my pressuring everyone to believe what I believe without putting in the work to persuade.
This book is in a way a coming of age. The characters are coming into an age where they should be matre. My only grievences were that the book had little to show for a plot, often jumping around. While the time changes were very visible, the point as to what the plot truly was didn't come until the end. However, this is amazing because the author carried me through the experience so far even without a clear conflict or point.
But enough about me. This book has taught me a lot, and not just about race and African relations. As a writer it taught me how to form more believable characters with human qualities, even if those qualities are undesirable. These are what make the character real. Ifemelu and Obinze display their own insecurities and pretentiousness, often regarding themselves in a very self-righteous way. Ifemelu is often found rationalizing her self-sabotaging life decisions. Obinze is obsessive and impulsive. The two are both living in a constant state of discontent.
The author herself uses blog entries and other vehicles as social commentary, which makes this book more than just an interesting read with interesting characters, as it presents common feelings and ideas that are expressed in our normal day to day lives. This is something that greatly influenced me as a writer of both fiction and journalism, which was shown in this book.
I saw a lot of myself in this book. The characters were very convincing that I needed to make a change from just being content to truly living. I am often like Ifemelu, dismissive of my own shortcomings and ego, often indulging my impulses. Seeing it from someone else's point of view makes it all the more real that I should make a change in the way I approach things in life, such as my pressuring everyone to believe what I believe without putting in the work to persuade.
This book is in a way a coming of age. The characters are coming into an age where they should be matre. My only grievences were that the book had little to show for a plot, often jumping around. While the time changes were very visible, the point as to what the plot truly was didn't come until the end. However, this is amazing because the author carried me through the experience so far even without a clear conflict or point.
Also, I wanted the author to know that she ain't slick. "Ngozi Okonkwo." mixing her name and the name of the character of the book Things Fall Apart which she even refers to in the book. 10th grade reading list taught me well.
Monday, October 19, 2015
Showing People What is Right in Front of Them
There's this issue that has come to my attention about when it comes to people who are willfully ignorant. I know the phrase "ignorance is bliss" tells it best when it refers to ignorance being better to live with. I believe these people who believe ignorance is bliss are just using a common defense mechanism, denial, to rid them of anxieties in their lives. This is really understandable, but also really unreasonable in times of important facts.
For example, an issue took place in which a scheduled show for a fashion designer in aSsouthern town in North Florida took place. The day before everything ran smoothly. The next day's fashion show, however, was another story. The anonymous fashion designer ran into trouble when one of the models didn't have a badge. You would think you just need the badge, right? It's on him. Well, that same fashion show I was supposed to be working. I had no credentials and went up to the desk requesting a badge for the person I was working under. Unfortunately, they were all out of badges for this specific person, but they gave me a random one. They didn't look at my ID, didn't ask my name, didn't do anything. So why is it that when the one model out of the bunch didn't have a badge the whole show had to be stopped? This one model who resulted in the entire show being cancelled. In fact, it was really messy. They wouldn't even let the designer back stage and in fact were threatening to call the cops. This might seem like a coincidence without knowing the full details. The event in question was basically a women's (predominantly white women's) expo in which a specific type of person was expected to be present. The designer was also a specific type of person too. A black gay man, who is an absolute teddy bear, shown to be treated in such an awful and unexpected way. Perhaps someone could suggest that there is a reason he was treated differently?
In fact, when my mother suggested this rudeness was due to race and sexuality to my grandmother, she had a fit. My grandmother is one of those people who believes that if they don't see something it didn't/doesn't happen, and that even IF they saw it, it doesn't mean it was for the very clear and plausible reasons that are suggested. She is also a FOX news watcher, but I degress. This is the type of situation where people refuse to see any other reasoning. To elaborate, I saw another fashion show group go on into the dressing room afterward badge free. No issues or complaints from management then. But if you said this to someone like my grandmother, it would be very shocking to even think that social standing was the reason behind the absurd thing that took place.
I think it's a real problem when people refuse to hear facts in order to boost their own egos or show people they aren't a bad person, that everyone else is misguided or sensitive. When you show facts about things like murders made by police on people who commit petty crimes, they still defend the murderer because they believe that racism is no longer a reality despite countless comparisons and amounts of data. These people also believe that "political correctness," otherwise known to some as human decency, is a bad thing that's going to transport us into the stone ages. I wish people wouldn't just constantly be on the defense all the time about protecting outdated beliefs or shielding themselves from something they see as harmful to their own comfort. People who refuse to believe that their child is telling the truth about being molested is another example of this.
In the future I hope we as a people move past the intense denial that we naturally cling to when we don't want to be wrong about something. Being wrong doesn't mean you can't learn, nor does it mean that things have to end that way. There is always room for improvement for everyone. So why not try to put aside personal beliefs to understand the world?
For example, an issue took place in which a scheduled show for a fashion designer in aSsouthern town in North Florida took place. The day before everything ran smoothly. The next day's fashion show, however, was another story. The anonymous fashion designer ran into trouble when one of the models didn't have a badge. You would think you just need the badge, right? It's on him. Well, that same fashion show I was supposed to be working. I had no credentials and went up to the desk requesting a badge for the person I was working under. Unfortunately, they were all out of badges for this specific person, but they gave me a random one. They didn't look at my ID, didn't ask my name, didn't do anything. So why is it that when the one model out of the bunch didn't have a badge the whole show had to be stopped? This one model who resulted in the entire show being cancelled. In fact, it was really messy. They wouldn't even let the designer back stage and in fact were threatening to call the cops. This might seem like a coincidence without knowing the full details. The event in question was basically a women's (predominantly white women's) expo in which a specific type of person was expected to be present. The designer was also a specific type of person too. A black gay man, who is an absolute teddy bear, shown to be treated in such an awful and unexpected way. Perhaps someone could suggest that there is a reason he was treated differently?
In fact, when my mother suggested this rudeness was due to race and sexuality to my grandmother, she had a fit. My grandmother is one of those people who believes that if they don't see something it didn't/doesn't happen, and that even IF they saw it, it doesn't mean it was for the very clear and plausible reasons that are suggested. She is also a FOX news watcher, but I degress. This is the type of situation where people refuse to see any other reasoning. To elaborate, I saw another fashion show group go on into the dressing room afterward badge free. No issues or complaints from management then. But if you said this to someone like my grandmother, it would be very shocking to even think that social standing was the reason behind the absurd thing that took place.
I think it's a real problem when people refuse to hear facts in order to boost their own egos or show people they aren't a bad person, that everyone else is misguided or sensitive. When you show facts about things like murders made by police on people who commit petty crimes, they still defend the murderer because they believe that racism is no longer a reality despite countless comparisons and amounts of data. These people also believe that "political correctness," otherwise known to some as human decency, is a bad thing that's going to transport us into the stone ages. I wish people wouldn't just constantly be on the defense all the time about protecting outdated beliefs or shielding themselves from something they see as harmful to their own comfort. People who refuse to believe that their child is telling the truth about being molested is another example of this.
In the future I hope we as a people move past the intense denial that we naturally cling to when we don't want to be wrong about something. Being wrong doesn't mean you can't learn, nor does it mean that things have to end that way. There is always room for improvement for everyone. So why not try to put aside personal beliefs to understand the world?
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Enough Space to Last a Lifetime: The Martian Review
So today I went to see "The Martian" with my parents, and for the most part it was an entertaining movie, ignoring the fact that it was about space. Actually, when my sister saw the preview she was like "ugh do we really need a prequel to 'Interstellar,'" to which i was like...it's not...but then I realized it's literally Matt Damon, but not a villian, playing in ANOTHER stuck on a planet movie. Riveting.
The movie itself was so...predictable it was literally "Interstellar" wtf. Half of the cast of interstellar was in it tool. You aren't slick. The whole ship not lining up with other attachment thing was the same exact thing too...truly predictable. But it was more funny than anything which I was thankful for but I kept expecting Mathew Mcchonahay (i'm not even going to try to spell that right) to show up.
To be honest, my general dislike for space comes from watching movies like "Alien" and "Promethius" in addition to that one movie I don't know the name of where they're going to space and the crew has to leave Mars and the guy gets stranded from the ship *gasp* and his girlfriend with black hair just watches as she ascends into the moving ship, knowing he won't make it, and in his final moments he commits space suicide by taking off his helmet and imploding, which is shown for childhood me to see. Just like every other space movie ever.
Anyway what was up with the soundtrack change whenever Donald Glover appeared? The script writers were like "Ah yes, this sounds "hip" and "urban" we should put it ONLY when the young black guy shows up." Honestly.
Anyway, since I've been taking anatomy aka Biology 1 2.0, I've been thinking a lot about cells and cell theory. If everything is made up of cells, who's to say this universe isn't just one big cell? I mean Earth would be the best idea of a nucleus with a lot of life on it, the other planets would be organelles, etc. Everything is a cell that's expanding. Also lysosomes. I just like that word.
Anyway this was going nowhere from the beginning. Don't write off the whole movie. Just know that it's basically Interstellar with less mindboggling science and shorter. I think. More plausible rather.
The movie itself was so...predictable it was literally "Interstellar" wtf. Half of the cast of interstellar was in it tool. You aren't slick. The whole ship not lining up with other attachment thing was the same exact thing too...truly predictable. But it was more funny than anything which I was thankful for but I kept expecting Mathew Mcchonahay (i'm not even going to try to spell that right) to show up.
To be honest, my general dislike for space comes from watching movies like "Alien" and "Promethius" in addition to that one movie I don't know the name of where they're going to space and the crew has to leave Mars and the guy gets stranded from the ship *gasp* and his girlfriend with black hair just watches as she ascends into the moving ship, knowing he won't make it, and in his final moments he commits space suicide by taking off his helmet and imploding, which is shown for childhood me to see. Just like every other space movie ever.
Anyway what was up with the soundtrack change whenever Donald Glover appeared? The script writers were like "Ah yes, this sounds "hip" and "urban" we should put it ONLY when the young black guy shows up." Honestly.
Anyway, since I've been taking anatomy aka Biology 1 2.0, I've been thinking a lot about cells and cell theory. If everything is made up of cells, who's to say this universe isn't just one big cell? I mean Earth would be the best idea of a nucleus with a lot of life on it, the other planets would be organelles, etc. Everything is a cell that's expanding. Also lysosomes. I just like that word.
Anyway this was going nowhere from the beginning. Don't write off the whole movie. Just know that it's basically Interstellar with less mindboggling science and shorter. I think. More plausible rather.
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